This past May I was in Puerto Vallarta for an Access Consciousness “Global Foundation Class”. Truthfully, “The Foundation”, is beyond being just a class. It’s more like an earthquake that shatters your reality into creating something entirely new in your life. It’s four days of tools and transformation that leave your head spinning in what I could only compare to the ecstasy of the whirling dervishes of the Sufi Order I used to see when I was living in Istanbul, Turkey.
It wasn’t my first thought. In fact, the first time I had the “Foundation Earthquake” happen in my life, everything changed … like on an 8.0 Richter scale. My relationship with one of my best friends broke down so intensely that nearly a month and a half later when we reconnected, we saw a new beauty in our purpose and path together and our relationship grew stronger than ever before. In that awareness, we also realized that we were mirroring each other nearly verbatim, and always had been.
We now ask “How can we use that gift to create an impact in the world?” and the opportunities show up.
I also had an unusual financial occurrence happen to me during that time too. What I could only describe (in that previous version of myself) as “miraculous and out of the blue” my business suddenly increased and demanded more of my being, the very essence of why I started it in the first place. That tsunami of opportunity only continues to this day.
With all that prior experience I was anticipating something groundbreaking to occur in my life after the “Foundation Earthquake” of Puerto Vallarta in May. What occurred, however, was something very special that I hadn’t really stopped to see the aftershocks of until now.
In that class, I was reunited with a young man who I have known for nearly his entire life. Reconnecting in this arena was miraculous, given our previous religious affiliations, but to witness the incredible growth of this gentlemen’s soul to become MY teacher? Well, that was new terrain I wasn’t prepared for.
At weeks end, when the class was over and his mom and sister had gone back to New York, we started to hang out together. We would talk about life, about each of our own individual paths that had led us here, about what inspires and excites us, and what fulfills us.
“How is your business going, how did you start it?” He asked me.
“It was a completely organic process that began with an action I made to offer my gifts to someone in need. That offer multiplied with word of mouth and like a wildfire, it took on a life of its own” I explained.
“Are you working with kids and teens?” He responded, referencing one of my previous roles as a “Spirituality for Kids” teacher – a role he knew me quite well in.
“I do see some teens and I have a few children in my book, but it’s not my main demographic”
“What would you say your main demographic is?” He continued asking.
“I would say about 99% women, 30 – 65” I responded, in fact.
“I have one”
“Why is that?” He investigated further.
“I can’t say for sure, but what I know to be true is that in my field of work and most matters of self-help or spirituality altogether, men are usually not the ones running for healing sessions or energy work. Perhaps there is a fear of confronting emotions, dealing with the past or just an overall skepticism that keeps them from choosing it”.
Without a beat, he said, “Maybe it’s you”.
Suddenly I was confronted with an opportunity to look at something in my life that, up until that second, I was unwilling to look at.
Was it that maybe I had just gotten so comfortable with not looking at that issue specifically, or was it digging up those childhood traumas that I was unwilling to look at?
Typically, Male. (The joke is not lost on me, dear reader!)
I started to reflect on my childhood and my youth. Being bullied by and not being generally seen by my male peers was surely a contributing factor.
“Sissy”, “Faggot”, “Tom Girl” & “Twinkle Toes” were some of the scars that I triumphantly turned into badges of victory.
There was also a great accomplishment in that thick skin I built up during that time. Was I wearing that skin as a shield to remind the heteromale world…?
“Don’t fuck with me fellas, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo” (to quote the great, camp queen herself, Joan Crawford)
Or maybe it was my pure love for women….
Empowering them to see that THEY are the ones with all the power in this world (Let’s face it, men cannot live without the only thing that women can give them!) I always found comfort in being able to say to women; “I know girl. I’ve been there” while having an unusual perspective of actually BEING a man.
In essence, it was all the above, and with this gentleman’s firm ask of “Why is it that I had so few male clients?” I began to use my own tools and become my own client.
What I learned about myself in this process was that by holding onto my resentment, I was only creating walls and barriers around my ability to utilize my gifts further by helping men heal themselves. By not forgiving the past and allowing it to be a blessing and a contribution to who I am today, I was not able to truly access the abilities fully that the universe wanted me to express.
"Go beyond the beyond, the unheard-of", is the message I received.
“What is required of me to completely shift this reality for good, to embrace and to allow ALL of me to fully be me, whereby eradicating ANY and ALL self-judgment, hatred or loathing left in me because of those scars?”
Compassion is the flour of allowance that gives forgiveness the blessing to become bread.
It is not to just forgive those, and myself, for those scars but to embrace all those who may have caused them with the virtue of compassion.
What pain were they experiencing in their lives that they in turn needed to hurt others to make themselves feel better?
What rejections were they suffering from that by being around me, made them envious that they could not be themselves fully?
As I began to peel back those layers to create true healing within myself, something quite miraculous happened.
I began to receive calls to work with more men.
"Masculinity can create an illusionary aura of power and dominance while masking vulnerability and honesty."
One by one, I started to see that the scars that I had taken on, many of those men I was working with also had taken on too in various areas of their lives. Many of the same beliefs that I had about men being unwilling to work on themselves, I also had.
What also began to open up for me was how the group consciousness of “Masculinity” can create an illusionary aura of power and dominance while masking vulnerability and honesty. Honesty was always something I struggled with in my youth and learning to see that most of the lies I told myself and others came from trying to be someone else so that others would like me.
What are you unwilling to embrace about yourself now, that if you did embrace it would open up portals of possibilities for ourselves and others to heal? What contribution would that be to the earth and to humanity? Or to the closest people to you?
One of the greatest actualizations of this new awareness for me is an ongoing collaboration with Ben Curtis, Founder of “The Lion’s Den” and Personal Development coach, whose work and mission is to empower men to be themselves, to create a new dialogue around what being Men is about and to step into our own individual power to change the projections and expectations on men forever.
Can you imagine? I can.
Ben and I have created a weekly podcast called “Wake Up Wednesday’s” - A super fun, midday push to get you over the hump toward choosing greater possibilities in your life! We discuss all kinds of fun topics, and nothing is off the table (or under it!)! You can join us every Wednesday morning at 9:30 am EST on our respective Instagram (@theprovocativeintuitive & @bencurtisofficial) and Facebook pages (The Provocative Intuitive & The Lion’s Den)!
On October 20th at 8 pm Ben and I will be doing a workshop called “The Renaissance Men” – A fun and exciting project that will create a space for men to share what comes up for them around projections and expectations about being men. The workshop is designed to “destroy and uncreate” all those limitations to create a new reality for us all.
The workshop will be conducted via Zoom.
If you are interested in learning more about Access Consciousness, please join me for the Access Bars class which will offer you an introduction to the valuable tools of Access and introduce you to a hands-on healing process that will change your life forever. I will offer this class Sunday, November 14th from 10 am – 5 pm LIVE in Mexico City and Online if you take the class with a partner.
If you have already taken the Access Bars class and would like to participate in my next “The Foundation” class LIVE in Mexico City or online, November 25th – November 28th please visit www.theprovocativeintuitive.com I am honored to be collaborating with the incredible Martha Castro to co-facilitate this class!